Are you:
       •   Facing the reality that you may be gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered,
       •   and feel confused, scared or overwhelmed?
       •   Asking the question, “Am I gay, lesbian or bisexual?
       •   A parent wondering if your child might be gay?

Fears abound…
     “What will people think of me?”
     “Will my family and friends accept me?”
     “But, what if I don't want to be gay?”
     “How will I ever meet anyone to have a relationship with?”
     “Should I come out? And if so, how?”

These and other questions, may be consuming you.

To make matters worse, you may come from a religious, cultural or family background that doesn't accept homosexuality and alternative lifestyles. Or perhaps you come from a town or community where you had no exposure to people with alternative sexual orientations, and where people were very conservative in their thinking about gay people. These types of situations make it even more difficult to face these questions.

The group at highest risk in the coming out process is teenagers, since high school can be an extremely challenging and threatening environment. Teenagers are already struggling with social pressures to belong, and the added stress of struggling with your sexual identity can feel overwhelming.

Statistics show that over 2/3 of LGBT* students feel unsafe at school. 97% of students in public high schools report regularly hearing homophobic remarks from their peers. Gay teen suicide attempts are four times that of heterosexual youth.

If you are finding the Coming Out process scary, lonely, and confusing, you are not alone. The feelings you have are normal and common.

Common concerns that you may be facing in your coming out process:

     Isolation:
           •   You don't know who to talk to
           •   You have been bullied, teased, or put down for how you look
           •   You grew up hearing lots of negative judgements about “homosexuals”
           •   You feel different, like you don't fit in anywhere
           •   You fear rejection
           •   You feel bad about yourself, i.e. “There must be something wrong with me,”
           •   “I'm bad/weird/not okay,” “If people knew what I was really feeling/thinking,
           •   they wouldn't like me”
           •   You feel betrayed by the people who have always supported you in the past

     Confusion about Your Identity:
           •   You don't know who you really are
           •   Your world feels upside down; everything about how you have defined yourself and
           •   related to those around you is called into question
           •   You ask, “Is there something wrong with me?”
           •   You wonder, “Am I being selfish or unreasonable?”
           •   You question everything about who you are, your values and beliefs,
           •   your spiritual identity, your friends and activities
           •   You don't want to be gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered.

     Feelings of Low Self-worth:
           •   You feel there is something deeply wrong with you
           •   You feel unlovable
           •   You are ashamed of yourself and feel that nobody could love you
           •   or that you don't deserve a happy life
           •   You don't understand the anger and sadness that you feel
           •   You have had to numb your feelings or shut them down using alcohol and drugs
           •   because they feel too scary or painful

     Family issues:
           •   You have to face changes in your own family structure: e.g. you are (or have recently
           •   been) in a heterosexual relationship, and/or you already have children or
           •   grandchildren - You wonder, “How will they handle it?”
           •   Old childhood wounds are surfacing, which make matters worse
           •   (e.g. growing up in a family with mental health issues, drug and alcohol abuse,
           •   or family violence)
           •   You don't feel safe to talk to family members about what you are experiencing
           •   As a parent, you are concerned about your teen or child who is feeling targeted
           •   or bullied at school and is struggling with his or her sexual orientation and identity

Isolation is a huge risk factor in the coming out process which can contribute to low self esteem, withdrawing from things/people that are important to you, or even having suicidal thoughts or suicide attempts. You don't have to feel alone and lost as you face these questions and struggles in your life.

Counselling provides a safe place to explore your fears and feelings about coming out so you can find some solid ground on which to stand.

Counselling can help you:
      ✔   Determine whether you are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered, and feel safe to
      ✔   explore all the questions you have about your sexual identity
      ✔   Value who you are and your unique strengths and gifts
      ✔   Decide if it's right for you to come out; and if so, to whom and when
      ✔   Feel okay about your decision to come out or not, even if others have a negative reaction
      ✔   Feel more free to be yourself than you have ever felt before
      ✔   Get support to manage challenging relationships with people who are not supportive
      ✔   Know that you are okay just as you are, and you have nothing to be ashamed about
      ✔   Have support to grieve lost relationships or lost roles so that you can come to a place of
      ✔   acceptance and peace
      ✔   Celebrate your new openness and honesty
      ✔   Find ways to connect with others and to find a supportive community

I Know What It's Like To Come Out… As A Lesbian Counsellor, I've Been Where You Are Now.

As a lesbian counsellor who has lived and worked with the gay and lesbian population for more than 10 years, I understand from my own experience the importance of having a safe place to talk and process all the questions that arise from the Coming Out process.

One of the most courageous steps that you can take is to reach out and get support through counselling.

While the Coming Out process can be very challenging, it is also a great opportunity to listen to your heart and discover your deepest, truest self so that you can live your life in a way that makes you feel happy and complete.

The goal of coming to terms with being a LGBT* person is to find new freedom and to celebrate your unique gifts, so you can feel proud of who you are.

If you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, or questioning and are looking for a counsellor who understands how difficult it is to come out, I may be the counsellor for you.

Whether you're a teen just coming out, a person in your early twenties, a concerned parent, or an adult who is coming out later in life, as a counsellor I am here to provide a safe place to help you explore your concerns and make the best decisions for your future.

Call me for a free and confidential 15-minute phone consultation.
Together, we can decide the best course of action for you.
I can be reached at: 778-378-2633. You can either set up a counselling appointment through the receptionist, or leave me a message and I will return your call.

* LGBT stands for “lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgendered”

i   Egale Canada: Gay Teens Surveyed Feed Unsafe in School, May 9, 2008. http://www.egale.ca
ii   Making Schools Safe for Gay and Lesbian Youth: Report of Mass. Governor's Commission on Gay and Lesbian Youth, 1993.
ii   Case Western Reserve University: Safe Zone Program. http://www.case.edu/provost/lgbt/safezone/stats.html
iii  About.com: Gay life: Gay suicide http://gaylife.about.com/od/gayteens/a/gaysuicide.htm