Free Yourself from the Pain
of Trauma and Abuse
Counselling for Past Abuse or Trauma
Can Help You Feel Better About Yourself Than You Ever Imagined…
Perhaps you are afraid to talk to others about the shameful ways that someone else has treated you. Or you may have tried to talk about it and felt blamed or judged by others. You probably ended up blaming yourself or you feel that there must be something wrong with you. You may feel very alone and afraid to reach out to others.
You can get help and feel confident again…
Trauma and abuse are caused by many different situations, which can include:
Relationship abuse: being in a relationship with a partner who is controlling, violent, blaming, emotionally or verbally abusive. This might look like the following:
• being intimidated or threatened: being told that there will be terrible consequences
• unless you do what the abuser wants
• being told you are stupid, crazy, called names, humiliated, made to feel guilty,
• always being put down
• always being blamed or told that it didn't really happen, or being told that you are
• exaggerating (“Can't you take a joke?”)
• being in a crazy-making situation; your own sense of reality is always being challenged
• and put down, so that you have lost the ability to trust yourself
Sexual assault and rape: most sexual assault is from someone you know. It may be date rape, assault from a friend or relative, or from your intimate partner. You may feel that no one will believe you, or you may be frustrated with how the police or the courts have handled your assault.
Childhood abuse and witnessing abuse: being beaten, called names, belittled, not having your needs met, blamed for family problems, watching one of your parents being abused, being forced by the abuser to participate in violence
• Childhood sexual abuse: most perpetrators of sexual abuse are trusted family members,
• friends, or respected community members who understand your vulnerability and use it to
• coerce or convince you that you must do the things they ask. They use many tactics such
• as special attention, gifts, fear, shame, bribes, and threats to keep you from speaking out
• or believing that you can get help. Being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse can deeply
• affect you, and is often a hidden wound that isolates you from others.
Trauma and abuse affects different people in different ways:
If you are isolated and feel hopeless or helpless in the face of a traumatic incident you may be more affected than someone who has a solid support system and a sense of belonging. Even mild trauma can be devastating if you feel alone or unable to deal with it.
Many survivors also deal with not being believed, not being supported, feeling blamed for what happened, feeling judged by others, or not having anyone to turn to. This is called secondary wounding, and makes recovery more challenging. It adds another layer of trauma, since it often reinforces the sense that you cannot get or do not deserve justice or healing. Some people find the secondary wounding more traumatic than the incident itself!
Not everybody remembers traumatic incidents that happen to them. Often painful memories are blocked out of consciousness as a way of protecting the self. However, what you may notice, if this is your experience, is that you have triggers and reactions that you don't understand. For example, you may not understand why you react so strongly to certain situations, or you may be puzzled about why you are attracted to people who hurt you or abuse you.
You may also experience symptoms that don't make sense to you.
Depression and anxiety can be related to trauma and abuse, as can physical symptoms such as sleep disturbances, fibromyalgia, stomach or digestive problems, or headaches.
Many people experience multiple kinds of abuse. For example, it is common that a person who was abused as a child enters an abusive relationship as an adult. This makes the healing process more complicated and overwhelming.
If you have experienced abuse or trauma, you may feel that you are:
• Walking on eggshells, constantly worried about how another person will react
• Always trying to guess what the other person is thinking, and feeling responsible
• to always meet their needs
• Feeling isolated, not having anyone to talk to, or being afraid to talk to anyone about
• what is happening
• Feeling that there must be something wrong with you because you have experienced
• a number of hurtful relationships and don't seem to be able to find relationships that
• are supportive
• Struggling with depression and anxiety, and possibly feeling suicidal
• Using self-harming behaviours to manage your pain or to reconnect to reality
• Having a hard time focusing while you are at work, or having a hard time keeping a job
You may also find that even though you have faced devastating abuse or trauma, those around you just want you to “get over it.” You get reactions like: “That happened a long time ago; you just need to move on” or “You should forgive that person for what they did.” You may feel lost and guilty that you can't seem to move on. You may be afraid to talk about it, since you fear others will see you as weak or contaminated.
Post Traumatic Stress Is Caused By Abuse and Trauma.
Sometimes when bad things happen to you, your coping resources are overwhelmed and you cannot make sense of your experiences. Basic survival responses kick into action, and you go into “fight, flight or freeze” mode. The experience is then remembered and stored in your body as a traumatic memory.
Any new experience that resembles or reminds you of the original event will trigger the same “fight, flight or freeze” response that you had initially.
Many trauma and abuse survivors continue to experience ongoing levels of fear reactions and survival responses, long after the actual trauma is no longer occurring. This leads to symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress, and creates emotional exhaustion, physical stress symptoms, and low coping capacity.
It is possible to feel strong and hopeful again with a good therapist.
As you get the expertise of a counsellor who understands your experience and your struggles, and as you have a safe place to process your pain, you can regain a positive, healthy sense of yourself.
Counselling can be an important process to acknowledge the impact that abuse and trauma have had on your life. From there you can discover a new way of being in the world that is confident, aware, and fosters healthy, honest relationships.
You can feel happy and know that the abuse was not your fault!
As you heal through counselling, you can:
✔ Put the responsibility for the abuse where it belongs
✔ No longer feel triggered by things that remind you of your abuse
✔ Feel positive and strong in who you are
✔ See new potential and options for your life
✔ Find healthy relationships that nourish you
✔ Discover the things that give you joy, and learn to appreciate yourself
As a therapist, I have helped hundreds of people overcome the symptoms of abuse.
As a counsellor and therapist, I have 10 years counselling experience working with trauma, abuse, depression and anxiety. I understand the ongoing impact that trauma can have on your life, and know the peace and freedom that is available to you so that you can thrive and enjoy a full life.
I have worked extensively with survivors of abuse, and understand the importance of establishing safety and exploring the impact that it has had on your beliefs and your sense of self.
I am also trained to use EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), a well-researched therapy for processing trauma that has proven results. EMDR can be extremely effective in shifting your reactions and beliefs about a traumatic situation, giving you new possibilities and new hope where you once felt very stuck.
We can use EMDR together with other counselling resources to offer relief and hope so you can heal from the trauma.
Whether you are still in an abusive situation or you are no longer experiencing abuse, but are still suffering from the effects of it, as a counsellor and therapist, I am here to provide a safe place to explore the impacts that trauma and abuse have had on your life and to show you that you can be free of the pain.
Call me for a free and confidential 15-minute phone consultation.
Together, we can decide the best course of action for you.
I can be reached at: 778-378-2633. You can either set up a counselling appointment through the receptionist, or leave me a message and I will return your call.
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